Insecurities

We all have an insecurity or a few whether we want to admit they are there or not. Sometimes we can keep them in check. Then there are times when someone says something that really wasn't meant to come off a certain way but it does and it sticks with you. You build a wall for self preservation, to guard yourself from feeling inadequate. You hear what they said replayed over and over in your subconscious and without realizing it begins to effect you You try not to let it bother you and push it aside but there is no escaping it until you are alone, crying and wondering why aren't you enough?

Life happens . . .

. . . As it often does.

Some people come into you life and stay. Then there are those the become friends but then once again become strangers . . .

Open Letter on Father's Day

What is a father?

As defined in the dictionary: A man who has begotten a child (aka sperm donor).

Growing up I had always wanted to know who my father was. Long story short without going into a whole lot of details – he wasn’t there. He didn’t want anything to do with us (my mom, my twin and myself). I grew up wanting to know who he was, what he was like and why he wasn’t there.

Some many years later as an adult, an opportunity presented itself. I had the opportunity to meet my father. I wanted some closure to the many questions/ideas I had of him growing up. He had told me that he had wondered about my twin and I throughout the years and how we were doing. He had mentioned he had seen out graduation announcement in the paper and wondered if we were his twins. He gave his reasons/excuses as to why he wasn’t there. He had an opportunity to meet his grand kids, one of them just a day after they were born. He made promises of how he wanted to make up for lost time and be there for his grand kids. It should come to no surprise he wasn’t there and since that day I haven’t seen or heard from the sperm donor.

What is a dad?

If you look up the word in the dictionary, there isn’t much of a definition given. It refers you to look up the word “father”. However, a dad is so much more than a father.

When I was younger my mom had this little crystal glass block and etched into it was a unicorn with cute little stars and the saying “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.” I still have that block though corners are chipped and it is scratched packed in a box somewhere. I always wondered, why would they have used a unicorn to go with the saying? As I have gotten older I have come to realize as the unicorn is unique so is a dad.

To the man I grew up calling Dad, John - Thank you, thank you for all that you taught me. Thank you for showing me love and what a complete family is like. Thank you for showing me what a father/daughter relationship is even though I wasn’t related by blood. Thank you for showing me what a dad is.

To the man that later became my step-dad, Roy - I know it wasn’t easy to step into those shoes and becoming a step-father to five stubborn kids who wouldn’t give you a chance. Thank you for staying and being the comfort/support my mom needed and for being there for us. You didn’t have to take on that mantle and provide for us but you did anyway. Thank you.

To my grandpa, Carmel - I remember the last time he came and visited us I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. I remember I had a strong urge to tell him. That was the last time I remember seeing him before he passed away.

Even then it amazed me that although his left side was paralyzed he didn’t let that stop him. From what I remember he had always been a hard worker and even now whenever I see old classic cars I think of him and the many he had in the yard. I think two of my fondest memories were watching him and my mom work on his car. The second one was when my mom left me at home with him to do the dishes we ended up going to Bob’s Big Boy instead.

To the dad of my kids, Scott – Thank you for all that you do for them. Thank you for showing our girls what a man should be and how they should be treated. Thank you for showing our son how a man should be. Thank you for loving and believing in them and now as they mature into young adults supporting them as they embark on their own journeys.

Last but definitely not least, to the woman who wore both hats, my mom – Thank you. There aren’t enough words to express my appreciation and love for you. You are and will always be my greatest hero. Although I know it couldn’t have been easy doing it all on your own but I have learned strength, independence, courage, love, perseverance and knowing that even though you can be all these that it is ok to cry and ask for help.

These people are the definition of what a dad is to me. I have gleaned so much from each one of them in different parts of my life. To them I say, thank you!

And to all the other dads out there and to those who wear both hats. . . . .

Happy Father’s Day! You are doing a fantastic job!

Picture Prompt

I saw a picture a few days ago that was used as a writing prompt. I read the different interpretations of this picture. Many of them had to do with what the writer saw literally in the picture while others chose to use it as a metaphor.

I have thought about this picture some since I first saw it and thus I give you a smoldering rose. 

Enjoy! 😊

New Poem for Mother's Day

We all have that special someone in our life who taught us all we know. That one person that taught us to be strong when needed but also that it is ok to cry. They taught us that life isn't always fair and to make the best of the hand that you are dealt. That is is ok to fall down, just get back up, dust your knees off and try again. They have always showed unconditional love and never judged you. Sure, there are times of "I told you so" and "You should have done it the way I told you" but there is always encouragement, faith and belief that you could do better, be better.

For me that one person has always been my hero - my mother. 😊

New Poem - Butterflies

Was feeling a bit romantic and this tad bit has been floating around in the ol' noggin. I think it came out ok.

We have all had that feeling of butterflies . . . .  (^.~)

Poem For My Furbaby

My Balto 

When I first saw you 

You were a small fur ball of silver.

Then our eyes met and I knew

You won my heart over.

From that day on

You were my faithful friend.

I never thought to imagine you gone,

I forgot there is always an end.

The seasons came and went

As did your coat of silver.

Years by my side spent

Forgetting you were getting older.

Now in the pale moonlight

Your coat once again shimmers silver.

My heart is truly broken this night 

As you take your final slumber.

Our journey together has come to an end,

To the meadows of Rainbow Bridge you go.

You were my companion, my furry friend 

Who stole my heart so long ago - my Balto.

~~~~~~~~

RIP

02/04/18